Calvin's snowmen
"First she says go out. Now she says come in." --Calvin, after making a snow sculpture of a snowman bowling with another snowman's head , presenting his latest to Hobbes.]] Calvin, like most other children his age, enjoys making snowmen during the winter. Unlike most other children, though, Calvin's snowmen are almost never regular snowmen; this distancing is often used by Bill Watterson in order to criticize the art scene. The following is a list of relevant snowmen or sets of snowmen built by Calvin, in order of appearance. Gigantic Snowman A gigantic snowman atop a hill, meant to attract tourists. It was never completed; Hobbes refused to carry out the project after getting an idea of its scope (The snowman's toes were to be as tall as Hobbes). Featured 2/8/87. Automobile accident snowmen A set of four snowmen in the driveway of Calvin's house: one of them trisected by the family car, the rest gaping in horror. The panel featured on the right is frequently mistaken to be a single strip, when it is in fact part of a Sunday comic. Featured 2/28/88. Frankenstein snowman A generic snowman laying on its back. Calvin hoped to electroshock it to life, but was foreseeably unable to obtain a lightning storm during winter. Featured 1/27/89. Effigies Effigies of people Calvin hated; the idea was that when the effigies melted, Calvin would have been able to watch their disfigurement and final demise. The people he particularly hated were represented by smaller snowmen which would melt faster. Featured 1/30/89. Tiny snowmen Many times, Calvin is seen building snowmen only a few inches tall. The first time the tiny snowmen were seen, he crushed them all while pretending to be a T-rex. The second time, a group of a hundred strong tiny snowmen were running from a regular-sized snowman which, to them, was terrifyingly large. The third time, fifteen or so snowmen were built at the bottom of a hill so that Calvin could crash into them with his toboggan. The fourth and final time, a crowd of a hundred strong tiny snowmen awaited for another of their kind to jump from the top of Calvin's house. Featured 2/5/89, 2/29/92, 1/13/93 and 1/12/95. Calvin decoy A rudimentary look-alike Calvin built of himself to trick his enemies into exposing themselves. Ultimately, it only exposed Hobbes as an enemy. Featured 2/19/89. Two-headed snowman An unconventional snowman with two heads built next to the sidewalk by Calvin. Both heads held their mouths agape in stupidity. Featured 2/23/89. Snowman House of Horror A set of five horribly injured snowmen built next to the sidewalk. One of them had been chopped in half with a sled driven by a baby snowman, one more had a tree growing through his stomach, another had three eyes and two noses, yet another had removed its own head and a final one was almost buried. Featured 12/28/89. Transplant Patient The transplant patient was a generic snowman lying on its back with a saw halfway through his head. Calvin planned to perform brain surgery on the snowman. Featured 1/6/90. Snow Art A series of three snowmen altogether, each of which had its own distinct artistic implications. The first was designed to express deeper truths about the human nature and go beyond morphological accuracy. When this first piece melted, Calvin built another, which was about transience and so took advantage of its likehood of melting. However, a passerby mocked Calvin for building a snowman on a warm day. The last artful snowman was an abstract creation, a stocky mound about Calvin's size with ear-like protrusions and a circular cavity going through it. Featured 2/20/89 through 2/22/89. Mocking Snowman A snowman that Calvin built out of spite when his father made him play outside instead of watching television indoors. The ill-intended creation looked at Calvin's father through the window with a mocking grimace. Featured 12/27/90. Deranged mutant killer monster snow goons This series began as an attempt by Calvin to bestow life on a snowman by invoking the "great and terrible snow demons." The attempt went wrong and instead of the snowman slave or butler he set out to create, Calvin got a growling, lurching monstrosity which he described to Hobbes as a "deranged mutant killer monster snow goon" (The phrase was used as the basis of the title of the Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons printed collection). The goon went on to create others of its kind; at least one had two heads. Calvin and Hobbes finally killed them by spraying them with the hose while they were sleeping around his house. He made a sign sometime later stating that 40-something snowmen met "a gruesome fate" on the spot of Calvin's house. Featured 12/31/90 through 1/19/91. Snowmen that slowed traffic down It is unknown how many of these Calvin made, but three distinct sets are shown. The first features a cannon perforating a snowman's chest, the second a contented-looking snowman burying another alive, and the third a snowman about to commit suicide by hanging. Calvin's father believes the snowmen are responsible for slowing down traffic. Featured 1/21/91. Snow snake A very large snakelike snow sculpture. Calvin placed himself inside its "mouth", and when Susie approached, pretended the snake was alive and dangerous. Its purpose was similar to that of the Man-Eating Snowman. Featured 2/6/91, Snowman Protest A set of six snowmen in the driveway of Calvin's house, wielding picket signs on which could be made out: *Too Strict *Calvin's Dad Unfair *Later Bedtimes Fewer Baths *Egad! Bad Dad! *More Freedom *Homework No! Featured 2/7/91. Snow Dinosaur A long wall of snow that traced an outline when seen from the air. The outline was that of a theropod dinosaur, and was traced around Calvin's house in a manner that madeit look as if the dinosaur was about to eat the house. Featured 2/9/91. Spirit of the New Year In the foreground of this set was an inspirational snowman meant to represent the spirit of the New Year - his hand on his forehead as if staring into the distance, and leaning forward into it. Calvin cited that he "strides forward with confidence... Calling forth the best qualities of human drive and ingenuity." In the background, however, other snowmen were either laughing at the inspiring sculpture, arguing, or lounged lazily against trees. They were described as "the real world." Note: Image has been altered to remove irrelevant panels. Man-eating snowman A huge snowman with a big mouth. Calvin placed himself in its mouth to create the impression he was being eaten alive. Featured 2/4/92. The hill snowman A giant snowman peeking over the edge of a hill. Only the top of the head and "fingers" grasping the hill were built, but from the right angle it appeared to be an entire snowman. It could be a reference to the "Kilroy was here" graffiti phenomenon from WWII. Featured 2/6/92. Soldier Snowmen A line of at least six snowmen performing a crisp military salute. Calvin built them next to the walkway so as to salute his father when he returned from work. Featured 2/18/92. Bourgeois Buffoon A strange, artfully themed snowmen that Calvin intended to make many of. However, he moved on to other projects when his mother refused his grant application. Featured 2/19/92. Avant Garde Snowman A normal-looking, orthodox snowman that Calvin claimed to be an avant-garde work of art. Featured 2/20/92. Snowhead for Susie Not exactly a snowman but still relevant, this was the disembodied head of a snowman that Calvin had left on Susie's doorstep to intimidate her. Featured 2/26/92. Easter Island heads A lineup of at least six giant snowman heads reminiscent of the Easter Island Moai statues. Calvin built them in the front yard of his house. Featured 2/27/92. The Torment of Existence Weighed Against the Horror of Nonbeing A snowman head pondering the difficulty and meaning of life. Its face was stuck in a hideous, agonizing grimace due to the dense subject of its relexions. Note: Image has been altered to remove irrelevant panels. Hostile aliens This set featured two snow aliens emerging from an oblong vessel to fire at an Earth snowman. Calvin insisted that it was great art and an expression of high culture. Note: Image has been altered to remove irrelevant panels. Impaled Snowheads A set of three disembodied snowman heads stuck on branches Calvin placed next to the front walkway of his house. Featured 1/12/93. Anatomically correct snowman A nude snowman that Calvin's mother told her son to take down in the interest of decency. Calvin built it in the front yard after seeing Susie build an anatomically accurate female snowman. Featured 1/14/93. Sick Snowmen A set of at least four sickly snowmen. One was about to vomit, another was holding his stomach, yet another was clutching his throat and a final one had passed out. Calvin built them next to the driveway of his house to signal his dislike of the eggplant casserole his mother had prepared for dinner. Featured 1/18/93. Bathtub Snowman A snow look-alike of Calvin. He had placed it in the tub as a decoy in order to avoid taking his bath. Featured 1/20/93. Glasses Snowman This set featured a snow counterpart of Calvin's father ready to flog a snow Calvin. Much like with the mocking snowman, Calvin built it to express how he felt about being told to go out and shovel the walk, and even stole his father's glasses to complete the snowman. Featured 1/27/93. The Triumph of Perseverance An ambitious project that Calvin barely even started. Intended as a "monumental, heroic snow sculpture", it never progressed beyond a single medium-sized snowball, after completion of which Calvin was too bored to continue. Featured 2/17/93. Snowmen Prophets of Doom A set of three melting snowmen made just before springtime. The scuptures wielded picket signs on which could be made out: *Repent Sinners *The End Is Near *Spring Is Coming Featured 3/8/93. The Spirit of Compromise An unfinished set of two snowmen shaking hands to symbolise the settling of their differences. Calvin would have built one and Hobbes the other, but they quarreled over whose snowman should have had a longer arm to reach the other snowman's hand. Suicidal snowman A fairly generic snowman with a hot water bottle on its head. Calvin told Hobbes the snowman was using the bottle to commit suicide. Featured 1/4/94. Snowmonster A set featuring a monstrous giant snow squid and terrified snowmen running away. Note: Image has been altered to remove irrevelant content. Featured 1/10/94. Explorer snowman A snowman wearing Calvin's explorer hat and holding up a shrunken head out of a cauldron. Featured 1/22/94. Athletic Snowmen A set of at least three snowmen with gruesome sports-related injuries. One had landed in the snow headfirst after jumping off a springboard, another was golfing with its own head, and a final one was being maniacally stabbed in the head with a tennis racket by another snowman. Featured 2/15/94. Snowman Crossing A set of numerous snowman crossing the driveway of Calvin's house, with a "Snowman Crossing" sign nearby. Calvin presumably had to take the set down to make way for the family car. Snow chicken This set consisted of an oversized snow chicken bringing down an axe to decapitate a "human" snowman, in a role reversal of mankind's meat consumption. Featured 1/6/95. Snow sharks This set showed panicked-looking snowman swimming in the snow, with ominous fins trailing behind to represent "snow sharks". Nude Descending A Staircase A set that featured a nude snowman at the top of a very small snow staircase. Calvin claimed that it was art and would speak to future generations after his passing. Featured 1/24/95. Snow Dog A small dog crafted out of snow. Calvin placed it next to a fire hydrant, to some outcry. Featured 2/1/95. Bowling Snowman This set had a snowman playing ten-pin bowling with the head of another, decapitated snowman at its side. This snowman had managed a 3-6 leave (or, judging by the short distance of the remaining pins from the edge of the lane, a 6-10 leave) after this first bowl. Featured 12/15/95. Generic snowmen In the interest of commercialism (and perhaps due to a lack of ideas), Calvin has built a few run-of-the mill, conventional snowmen. Calvin built one inside his room (much to his mother's dismay), used another to practice his snowball aim and yet another to safety-test a hill for sledding. Featured 2/15/1986, 14/1/1989 and 5/2/1989 respectively. Ice cream snowmen A set of two snowmen. One was enjoying a snow cone, while the other had been stabbed with the ice cream scoop. Calvin referred to it as a "sordid story". Featured 12/29/95. This is the third-to-last strip of the whole series. Category:Running gags Category:Running gags